Do you disqualify positives and maximize negatives about yourself? Do you make unfavorable comparisons between yourself and others? Do you have rigid expectations of yourself? If so, you are likely sending a lot of messages to yourself that are resulting in your self-esteem continuing to get worse. It is critical to identify, challenge, and replace negative self-talk.
Licensed counselors are experts at helping others change self-talk. There is a growing body of evidence suggesting that online therapy can be beneficial for those who have a negative self-concept. One study found that cognitive-behavioral therapy CBT , specifically, can be useful in treating symptoms of depression related to self-image issues.
The study examined the effects of CBT on the self-conception of subjects, ranging in age from 13 to 18, finding that those with low levels of self-esteem showed noticeable improvement after treatment. Online platforms have proven to be effective CBT providers, offering increased accessibility to a variety of resources to help those who experience depression and other mental health issues.
As discussed above, online therapy can help start you on the road to valuing yourself instead of feeling hate, providing you with a variety of tools that will help to improve your self-image—and doing so discreetly. With online therapy, you can have access to treatment in private, without ever having to sit in a waiting room, or discuss your issues with anyone but your counselor.
Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues. I didn't realize I did a lot of negative comments towards myself until she pointed them out and talked about them. She helped guide me towards a more positive way of thinking and gave me concrete tools to use whenever I was in a pickle.
I appreciate everything she did for me during a time in my life that felt helpless and my "ship was sinking". With her help, she helped guide me towards a more positive future and a future of self love. Thank you for everything Yaa-Serwa.
She has listened to everything I said no matter how silly it may have been and helped calm me down and talk me through it. I am beyond grateful for what she has done to help me change my mindset and work through what may have caused that mindset.
She clearly cares and is personable. She's phenomenal and I highly recommend her to anyone dealing with depression and anxiety. When you feel like you hate yourself, it can be difficult to know where to turn. While there are a few self-care activities you can try, sometimes the help of a professional is best. Don't let self-hate hold you back in life -- take the first step forward today.
We might have gained weight or some pesky acne has resurfaced. And it can make you feel worthless and small.
But it is possible to shut the door on self-hatred, heal these deep wounds, and grow to love and accept yourself. No one wants to dislike themselves. Self-hatred can be a symptom of mental health conditions including depression and borderline personality disorder.
But th ere are a few other reasons why you may feel this way. We often develop self-hatred over time, sometimes without realising it. We all have one. It steers us away from mistakes and protects us from shame and embarrassment. If you have a harsh inner critic, you may constantly put yourself down and undermine your successes. The more you listen to that critical inner voice, the more power you give it — and it can lead to feelings of hurt and self-loathing.
Just as our parents can equip us with the tools to grow our confidence and self-esteem, the opposite can also be true. But to simply acknowledge that even great parents are only human. To cope, they will develop unhelpful schemas or thought patterns as a defence mechanism. And, later in life, you may be overly shy, apologetic and take a submissive role in relationships.
Im glad it deters from blaming my parents. Im not sure where, or when this started in my life. I know im tired of feeling like a dweeb.
Im very sick of my inner voice calling me horrible names. Then when i do get my wish and have many friends, my inner voice tells me what great people my friends are for allowing me to hang out with them.
That they feel sorry enough for me to let me be part of their group. I am 53 years old and extremely shy. I have s of friends all across the US because people truly like me. I still feel unworthy of their friendship. I even heard myself tell my friends and aquaintences that i didnt and dont expect good treatment.
That its ok to be mean or rude to me. I know its wrong now, and i want to be happy. Please help. Im 19 and I have always struggled with my appearance. In my eyes I am disgusting, overweight, undeveloped mis matching breasts, spotty, out of proportion and I know its true.
I recently found the cause of many of these issues was because of polycystic ovary syndrome. I look at other girls my age with their beautiful faces and bodies and I feel sick when I look at myself. I grew up knowing I would never have a boyfriend but I do.
I have started doubting my relationship he is so outgoing and confident im the complete opposite I feel i hold him back. I wonder why hes with me and if he is just waiting for someone better to come along. I have noone my doctors treat me like a hypochondriac because I am an anxious person and I do visit too much but ive stopped that now. My family just think im being silly but I cant even call a support number Im never alone or talk to a professional as I think they will just think im a psycho.
Just down in the dumps and that is why i googled this and it does make a lot of sense. I just wish I could get over it alreadyl. I am a 20 year old male with no friends or social life. I truly am bisexual. I know it sounds ambiguous but i have dealt with this since i have enough reason, and I acknowledge that im not straight, but im also not gay. Society expects black and white, and i feel like im not.
Im depressed more than i am happy. My therapist said, that because i was sexually abused twice as a child by two different men on different occasions, that i have made a connection with pleasure and the male sex organ. Because i felt pleasure. It was wrong i know, but i have hope. This has been a salvation to find. It gives me peace to know that there is hope for someone as broken as me. Hi, my name is Amanda. I have had strong feelings of self doubt from a very young age.
My dad is a very irratable person and works at home. As a result my brother and I had to be very quiet when we were little or he would blow up. When I was around 10 I was kind of chubby and my mom was always criticizing me for being fat.
I remember feeling really bad about that. If my mom called me fat I would go in my room and destroy all of the honor roll awards that I got from school. Now I am 17 and am an alcoholic. I was cutting my arms with a razor before, but now I drink instead. I even drink on the weekdays and feel horrible at school.
I have absolutely no communication with my mom, and very little with my dad. I have grown into my body and am not fat at all anymore, but now my mom criticizes me for being a vegan.
I feel very alone. My dream is to join the army and my siblings or anybody does not know, I have tried to tell people but im fat and my parnents would say no and my siblings would say ur too fat.
My dad is on business trip and we all know he still cheats on my mom. That makes me want care from other people. And then i got gf. Then we broke up at the end. I cry almost everyday. I afraid to believe in people again. Can you advise me? The popular kids at my school tend to judge and I feel very intimidated when they r around. I feel like they r criticizing me every second!!! I feel that I have to do do what everyone else is doing to fit in.
I really look up to my BFF and whatever she does I feel the need to do it to fit in. Not once. I love my best friend, but she one ups me in everything is just a little better my parents want to move which adds even more to my depression!!! Btw I cried all the way through reading this. In a realization way. I am about 4 stone over weight, which would be about 56 pounds, and my dad never fails to point this out to me. I know to a certain extent this is my fault. A work in progress I guess.
But my dads constant criticism is hollowing me out inside. I spend the vast majority of my time in his company sucking up to him in the hope that he will not mention my weight, and begin is tirade of abusive rhetoric.
He has on numerous occasions mentioned he is ashamed to have members of his side of the family see me, and he says he hates hugging me because he can feel my fat. I work very hard and I am a cleanly person. All these criticisms are breaking my heart, and leaving me in a constant state of anxiousness. I am never comfortable. I often wish myself away from family home, and back at my desk in work because it is one of the only places I feel accepted, and even there I am constantly on edge.
Does my breath smell, does my skin smell, is this top hugging me too tightly and can everyone see my fat? When I make a remark I instantly feel as if it was a stupid thing to say. When interacting with a set group of people such as colleagues, I am constantly feeling as if I am the disliked one. Hi Mary, I felt very sad reading your comment. You sound like a lovely young woman. If I were you, I would limit the amount of time you spend around your abusive father. His behavior is abuse and it is not acceptable.
Is there a way you could move out of your family home or find activities that would keep you out of the house more? Wishing you happy holidays and a happy birthday! I feel like because I was beat daily and my step mother reminded me daily thay noone liked me and I was stupid.
Im 36 now and I cant trust or really like anyone I guess ill feel this way forever a complete waste of life. I have never been abused. I was always happy, lucky, had and have a great family that takes care about me. But i hate myself. I hate myself for not being what i want to be, for being too lazy at one time, and not having enough rest at another. I hate myself and i hate others. Some i can accept and love. Others i hate. For no reason i hate, and hate. But how comes i manage to scare people away with my thoughts.
In one place i act like all people do, in another i act polite and careful, in third i act angry. Almost all of them love me still. Am i hallucinating? What is wrong, and is something wrong, is there anything i have to do?
Not that i would do it, i just wish to know. The unknown eats me from inside, and the worst thing is that nobody can give me a valid answer! There is no truth, we know nothing, and we will never know. All is wrong, all is different, nobody will ever understand a person sitting right next to them!
And yet i wonder, why. Why do i bother myself hating others. Why do i bother myself with anything at all.
I have to keep on going forward, i cant quit. This is not something i must quit. I am from India…. I am completely shattered and needs an expert advice. I prepare well for an examination and is failed. I was sure that i had done well…now i lost all my self confidence. I want to become a researcher. Normally i dont talk much to people about my problems, thinking that they are not interested in listening.. Oh my, I read some of your input and I just want to cry. I was so much against them.
It started working after 2 weeks. Heyy shabx here! I wana marry him n he also have same proffession as my father my prob is I dnt wana hurt my parents plus wana marry him I hate my self cuz I em disobeying em wht should I do :'. Why do I hate myself so much, I look in the mirror at my self and I am disgusted. I try and exercise and I feel like I am going to break my ankle and my chest starts to hurt I also feel like I am not able to get enough air in my lungs.
I constantly feel like punching a wall to hurt myself because I am to much of a wimp to hurt myself. I feel like everyone expects me to make them happy no matter how I feel about it. I use work for an escape from that stressor. The new guy is putting everything in the wrong place and inventory is next month.
I want the managers supervisor position but I know that I will never be good enough for that job. I try to exercise to get ride of stress but it hurts so I stop and I just try not to eat and fail.
Everything that I do I fail. What is the point of trying when there is so many more people better then you. I am so mad all of the time because I feel that I will always be stuck at my husbands parents house. Every penny I make goes to my husband and what he wants. So I never can save my money. We are stuck here and it sucks, I am trapped here. Everyone here hates each other they are always yelling at each other. I hate my self I want someone to hurt me because I cant do it my self.
I cant do anything right someone is always mad at me. I have been snapping at people a lot even when they are actually being nice. I fear I have lost myself and I am never coming back. I hate who I am I am fat and ugly and a horrible person.
I feel that I am completely worthless I cant do anything right an I always feel like crap. I am just dragging everyone down. I need someone to talk to me that wont yell at me. I deal with this as a 40 year old man. That feeling is still there though. Still real and powerful. I hate the world. Everything is pointless. Objectively, I know these thoughts are self-destructive, and that the world is beautiful as well as ugly, and that life is what you make of it.
Those are just rational thoughts though. The thoughts that feel emotionally real are the self-destructive ones, and it is those that are with me through everything, like a barrier I have to push through every day in order to live some semblance of a normal life. Im 20 years old im a girl thats why i have been kept in house for years no school no college n now i am getting married i always feel that i am not perfect i hate everyone in my life i just for once want to live like other people i have been home.
In my mid forties and still hating everything about myself. Too tall, overweight, not beautiful , no talents and not really good at anything.
Just feel like I am the perfect example of what not to do. The only thing that I did right was not having children. Somehow i value myself by numbers, my net-worth is always too low. BMi needs to go way down. I tried so hard to make something of my life but got nowhere. I spend my roaring twenties in prostitution. I always tried to learn something , took bookkeeping classes and moved on to normal office jobs.
Greener pastures were found outside of Europe, i got a student visa for a school in a rural area overseeas and married my fantastic husband I am now feeling stuck in the wrong carreer , i am always working and not getting anywhere. I am trying to start my own business, but it is a battle, just like keeping my weight down.
Looking forward ,dark clouds are on the horizon, with an aging husband he is 22 years older than me a 95 year old mother in law that is having alzheimer, an 85 year old dad with health issues and an 87 year old boss, all needing my care and assistance.
Not sure how I am going to get through this and still come out broke. Dad, mil and boss are all very demanding and just feel trapped and out of ideas to make life better. I happen to be kind of overweight and this has always been my major problem.
My mother is very often pushing on this, she tells me that I should be way slimmer, that other girls are prettier because they are thin. Lately I noticed something weird on my sleep schedule: I feel demotivated and tired more oftern.
And here my mother comes again. I am a good student and I study everyday, but lately my focus has decreased. My marks got worse: from 70 — 80 to the lastest ones, Today I had a math test, I gave my paper and then waited for everyone else to get out of class. Then I cried. The teacher was still in, so he talked to me and I got slowly calmer. They even sell smoke to each other. But they, she says, they are the perfect daughters.
I have possibilities of having both social anxiety and the Asperger Syndrome. Hi i am anil, I have been through lots of ups and downs in my life. I am short heighted person. I was bullied during my school days but last 2 years of my school life was amazing as i changed my school. Later i shifted to another city for my college and found it difficult to adjust initially. I have started feeling what if i go to another company Right now i am happily working in a company where everyone acknowledges me where whatever had happened to me in the past happens again.
Please help me. It keeps making me depressed. Please read my story. Well it started when I had to choose the biggest yet decision in my whole 19 years of life.
It was when I had to choose my university. I originally dreamed of studying overseas, I used to dream of it so much that it was the only thing that I strive to live for. To study locally, and I rejected all those other, much better offers to go overseas.
I regretted it after some time. Ig just hurts. It has come to haunt me again from time to time even after a year had passed. Can you help tell me about my condition? It may seem like a small matter, but it really is slowly killing me from inside. Finally, thanks for reading this rambling thoughts of mine.
I appreciate your efforts. I hate myself when i saw my mother, because the longer i being at home, the more i realised that i have her character. My mother is a self centered woman who wanted to be loved and need attention all the time. Everyday I hear her nagging all the time, about how her body is not well, ask my father to massage her, about how much house work she should do everyday, and the worst is when she asked me why i am always looked sad when i am around her.
And i am being the same as her. I always nag to my boyfriend, want him to be always beside me, always complain Just like my mother. I cannot be happy around her, because i feel like seeing the copy of me. I want my boyfriend to have a good wive, i have a thought about breakup with him, he deserve better. And me? Maybe i will just fine and not married.
I genuinely believe the only good thing about myself are my looks. It sounds vain but my personality is so screwed up I had to find one thing about myself to even remotely like.
During our first winter A-level results I messaged him sending the same message twice because I forgot I;d sent anything first his reply was so delayed. I snapped back but all I wanted to do was apologise the guilt was crushing me. I never handled it well. He made me try to find him for twenty minutes then when I did completely blew me off in front of all my friends.
I only had 5 minute before the coach left and it was as the coach was leaving he decided he was interested in my existence. Once again I just blamed myself and it took me a long time to accept any of it was his but when I did I heaped all the blame on him. I would frequently devalue myself and I found socialising with people I barely knew like navigating a mine field.
The easiest solution was to lock new people out. Just before I went off to uni I summoned up my courage and told my friend I liked him. I got rejected because I was leaving. I came back home for a couple of days and he first response was we should hook up. Knowing full well I still have feelings for him. I hate myself so much.
I feel like this all the time. I make so many mistakes and I hate myself for them. I get called out for things I know are wrong and I snap and call their faults out too and I hate it. And I hate, hate and hate. But I found the worst things that leave my mouth are almost always the worst ways I feel about myself. I criticise others for the things I hate in myself or when I hate myself.
And I hate myself some more for doing so. Being a mother now and dragging my daughters through the same shit my parents made me go through I feel so ashamed and unworthy of any admiration.
And there are things I like about myself. But this constant feeling of never being good enough, I wish it would dissappear. I want to be the mother others are. And meeting the emotional needs of their children.
I want to be the parent I wish I had. But I have no qlue how to. God how I wish I could heal myself and forgive. But I understand those who do. Cause at the same time I hate everyone for not standing up for me when things went wrong when I was younger. The only thing I feel I do right is aknowledgeing to my kids that I am wrong. But I know it wont heal all there wounds.
I love them so much I just hope I can teach tgem to love themselfse. I feel this very much. Overbearing, truly cruel stepfather and a neglectful biological Father did not help matters. Mostly, I feel grossly inferior to almost everyone around me. I hope you believe it. Why am I feeling this way is all that I could think. What a waste of time this is!
Hating myself and feeling as though I am deficient innately is a hell that I would not wish upon anyone. I feel that my wounds are so deeply seeded inside of me that I couldnt even find them to try and eradicate them from damaging my life further. I fear everything, yet come across as one of the most confident men.
I want more! I want truth, love and substance in my life. To be able to truly accept that I can be loved by myself and others would truly be the greatest addition to my life and in order to save me from myself I have to make it happen. If those signs sounded all too familiar, you're probably wondering why you hate yourself and how you ended up here.
Below are some possible causes to consider. It's important to remember that not everyone who experiences self-hatred will have had the same life experiences. There is no singular path that leads to thinking, "I hate myself.
If you are thinking "I hate myself," chances are that you have a negative inner critic who constantly puts you down. This critical voice might compare you to others or tell you that you are not good enough. These thoughts may leave you feeling like an outcast or a fraud when you are with other people. The inner critic is like a frenemy who is intent on undermining your success. This voice in your head is filled with self-hate, and can also evolve into paranoia and suspiciousness if you listen long enough.
The following are some things your inner critic might say:. If you have a voice in your head like this, you might come to believe that these types of critical thoughts are the truth.
If the voice tells you that you are worthless, stupid, or unattractive, you might eventually come to believe those things. The more you listen to that critical inner voice, the more power you give to it. In addition, you might eventually start to project your own insecurities onto other people, leaving you paranoid, suspicious, and unable to accept love and kindness. If this sounds like you, then chances are that you have been listening to your negative inner critic for far too long.
Where does that negative inner critic come from? Rather, most often, the negative inner critic arises from past negative life experiences. These could be childhood experiences with your parents, bullying from peers, or even the outcome of a bad relationship. Did you grow up with parents who were critical of you? Or did you have a parent who seemed to be stressed, angry, or tense, and who made you feel as though you needed to walk on eggshells?
If so, you may have learned to be quiet and fade into the background. Childhood experiences or trauma such as abuse , neglect, being over-controlled, or being criticized can all lead to the development of a negative inner voice.
Not all critical inner voices begin during childhood. If you were in a relationship or friendship with someone who engaged in the same types of behaviors, the experience could also have created a negative inner voice. This could even include a work relationship with a co-worker or supervisor with a tendency to put you down or make you feel inferior. Any type of relationship has the potential to set a negative tone in your mind and create a negative inner voice that's hard to shake.
Were you the victim of bullying in school, at work , or in another relationship? Even transient relationships with people can create lasting memories that impact your self-concept and affect your self-esteem. If you find yourself having flashback memories of seemingly insignificant events with bullies from your past or present, it could be that the experience has had a long-lasting effect on your mind.
If your negative inner voice replays the words of your real-life bullies, you have some deeper work to do to release those thoughts rather than internalize them. Have you experienced any traumatic life events like a car accident, physical attack, or significant loss?
If so, the loss might leave you wondering, "why me? Long after original events, you might find yourself being triggered by things that happen in your daily life. For example, a new co-worker might remind you of a past bad experience at work, or a new friend might trigger an unpleasant memory from your childhood.
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