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Characteristics of low self-esteem Low self-esteem and quality of life Causes of low self-esteem Seek help for underlying self-esteem problems Self-esteem building Seek out support to build self-esteem Where to get help Things to remember. Relationship problems — for example they may tolerate all sorts of unreasonable behaviour from partners because they believe they must earn love and friendship, cannot be loved or are not loveable.
Alternatively, a person with low self-esteem may feel angry and bully other people. Fear of trying — the person may doubt their abilities or worth and avoid challenges. Fear of judgement — they may avoid activities that involve other people, like sports or social events, because they are afraid they will be negatively judged.
Lack of self-care — the person may care so little that they neglect or abuse themselves, for example, drink too much alcohol. Self-harming behaviours — low self-esteem puts the person at increased risk of self-harm, for example, eating disorder, drug abuse or suicide. Causes of low self-esteem Some of the many causes of low self-esteem may include: Unhappy childhood where parents or other significant people such as teachers were extremely critical Poor academic performance in school resulting in a lack of confidence Ongoing stressful life event such as relationship breakdown or financial trouble Poor treatment from a partner, parent or carer, for example, being in an abusive relationship Ongoing medical problem such as chronic pain, serious illness or physical disability Mental illness such as an anxiety disorder or depression.
Seek help for underlying self-esteem problems Chronic problems can be demoralising and lead to self-esteem issues.
Self-esteem building Self-esteem is strongly related to how you view and react to the things that happen in your life. Suggestions for building self-esteem include: Talk to yourself positively — treat yourself as you would your best friend. Be supportive, kind and understanding. Make an effort to accept yourself, warts and all. Appreciate your special qualities — remind yourself of your good points every day.
Write a list and refer to it often. Forget the past — concentrate on living in the here-and-now rather than reliving old hurts and disappointments.
They doubt their own opinions and may often defer to what others think instead of sticking to their choices. This can often lead to a great deal of second-guessing and self-doubt, which make it harder for people with low self-esteem to make decisions about their lives. One study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that low self-esteem is directly correlated to not being able to accept or capitalize on compliments from others. This positive feedback is often met with suspicion and distrust.
These complimentary words do not align with their beliefs about themselves, so people with self-esteem issues may even feel that the other person is being flippant or even cruel. Low self-esteem causes people to focus on their flaws rather than their strengths. Rather than build themselves up with positive self-talk, they always seem to have something negative to say about themselves.
They blame themselves when things go wrong and always find some fault with some aspect of themselves, whether it is their appearance, their personality, or their abilities. Because they lack confidence in their abilities, people with low self-esteem doubt their ability to achieve success. While they might fear failure , they tend to either avoid challenges or give up quickly without really trying.
This fear of failure can be seen in behaviors such as acting out when things go wrong or looking for ways to hide feelings of inadequacy. People might make excuses, blame external factors, or try to downplay the importance of the task. Low self-worth also causes people to feel that there is little chance that the future will be any better. These feelings of hopelessness can make it hard for people with low self-esteem to engage in behaviors that will bring about positive changes in their lives.
Self-sabotage is also a common way of coping with such feelings. By finding obstacles to prevent success, people with low self-esteem are able to find something else to blame for what they see as their own shortcomings. The ability to create boundaries is often established early in life. Children who have caregivers that show them that they are respected and valued are more likely to be able to create good boundaries in adult relationships.
They are also more likely to have a more positive view of themselves in general. People who don't value themselves can have a difficult time setting boundaries with other people.
They may feel guilty or fear that people will stop liking them if they try to establish or maintain a boundary. This can create problems when people don't respect a person's space and time. The lack of respect not only adds to stress but may make a person feel less valued. People-pleasing can also be another common symptom of low self-esteem. In order to gain external validation, people who don't feel good about themselves may go above and beyond to make sure that other people are comfortable and happy.
This often involves neglecting their own needs, saying yes to things they may not want to do, and feeling guilty about saying no.
Research suggests that low self-esteem is linked to a number of mental health problems including:. Low self-esteem can make it more difficult to achieve your goals and form healthy, supportive relationships. It can also play a role in the development of certain mental health problems and conditions including anxiety and depression. Research has also shown that people who have low self-esteem are also more likely to be at risk for suicidal thinking.
Having low self-esteem can also make people more sensitive to criticism or rejection. Where someone with high self-esteem is likely to be able to shake off negative feedback, someone with poor self-value might take it more personally.
This can also make people with self-esteem problems more likely to give up when faced with challenges or obstacles. Research has found that people with low self-esteem often engage in behaviors that are designed to help preserve their limited self-worth. Actions such as acting sad or sulking are designed to try to garner support from others. Unfortunately, these behaviors tend to backfire. Instead of getting the support and encouragement that they need to boost their self-esteem, they end up generating negative reactions from other people.
Low self-esteem can take a toll on your emotional well-being, so it is important to take steps to address your sense of self and get the support that you need. Building your self-esteem takes time, but there are things that you can do to help protect your mental well-being while you are taking steps to improve your self-regard. Things that you can do that may help include:. Spend a little time each day focusing on positive, hopeful thoughts.
Notice the little things that you are good at and allow yourself to feel proud of them. Think about times in the past when you have made it through something really difficult and remind yourself that even though you might not feel your best right now, you have the ability and strength to get through it. Work on reminding yourself that you need care and look for things that you can do to show kindness to yourself, no matter how small they may be. Spend some time doing something that you enjoy.
Give yourself moments of rest and relaxation. Share your struggles with someone else who can offer unconditional support. This might be a friend or family member, but it can also be a person such as a doctor, therapist, teacher, or clergy member.
Having a network of caring people who value you and want you to value yourself can be helpful as you work toward improving your self-esteem. If you are struggling with low self-esteem, there are things that you can do to help improve how you feel about yourself. Some of these strategies include:. Start paying attention to the automatic negative thoughts you have each day. When negative thoughts take hold, it is important to work to actively identify cognitive distortions and replace unhelpful thinking with positive thinking.
If you tend to ruminate over your mistakes or failures, it is important to learn how to forgive yourself and move on. Lower self-confidence reduces not only the chances of coming across as arrogant, but also of being deluded.
This is arguably the most important benefit of low self-confidence because it points to the fact that low self-confidence can bring success, not just to individuals but also to organizations and society. In brief, if you are serious about your goals, low self-confidence can be your biggest ally to accomplish them. It will motivate you to work hard, help you work on your limitations, and stop you from being a jerk, deluded, or both.
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